Maybe.. and maybe not...

Last week, I had a sudden, haste vision.

I would like to resign.

Even without a job.

That was how bad it was in the office. So de-motivated I couldn’t take it even if I had to work one more day last week. I was determined…

Then I went to facial and massage session on Sat. As I was early, I went shopping around.

Saw some clothes that are really nice.

“I will not need these working clothes anymore”, I thought to myself.

Moved to next shop, to discover more working clothes. Temptations…

Then I saw some accessories, nice shoes but resisted the tempations…

“I won’t need any of these stuffs.”

Suddenly, a very deep thought came into my mind.

If I resign, how else will I pay my monthly “fixed” payment. My LASIK, massage, facial, accident protection, both households that mounts up to S$1.3K a month. I’ll be in deep debt until July next year.

And so, the determination to resign disappeared.

All the thoughts:

“Heck, hubby can give me S$500 a month, why make life so difficult?”

“I can jolly well resign and get a temp job somewhere while looking for a better opportunity.”

“I just want to be happy; I couldn’t care less about the job.”

So how?

Today, I try to take things easy, and I feel easy.

Maybe I should take things easily from now on… till the next peak.

Business tripS

I have just came back from Wuxi, from a 4 days business trip.

Yesterday, I took a 1350 flight from Shanghai Pudong airport, but we were not allowed to take-off until 5 plus. Imagine, stucked in the plane, for 3 hours plus, STATIC. Goodness, touching down at 2230, I was lucky R came to pick me. But he looked tired. Reached home at 2330, I was exhausted. Not sure what in the world was wrong with the air traffic controller. It was sickening when you hear the pilot says:

“Ladies and gentleman, this is your pilot, so-and-so speaking. I am sorry to inform you there is a delay in our flight. We were just informed by the air traffic controller that we are not able to take-off. No finite time is given. We would have to wait at least 2 hours for clearance. Meanwhile, I will update you every half hour.”

THEN almost an hour later:

“Ladies and gentleman, this is your pilot, so-and-so speaking. I am sorry to inform you that we are STILL not able to take-off. We are number 20 in line. We are not given the finite time to take-off. Apologise for inconvenience caused. Our ground crew will re-arrange connecting flights for those transiting in Sg. Really sorry for the inconvenience. Please feel free to approach our cabin crew should you need any assistance.”

THEN almost an hour later:

“Ladies and gentleman, this is your pilot, so-and-so speaking. I have a good news for you. (My heart was popping hard, thought we can finally take-off!!!) For the past hour or so, 5 planes took-off, and now, we are number 15 in line.” (Gosh……. You can imagine how I felt at that time…)

THEN almost an hour later:

“Ladies and gentleman, this is your pilot, so-and-so speaking. Finally, we have got clearance from the air traffic controller. We are ready to take-off in 5 mins. Cabin crew, please select doors to automatic and prepare for departure.”

Now, I am “fishing” in the office. Tons of work as usual, due to traveling, work piles up but my eyes can barely stay open.

Have just confirmed next week itinerary. Not gonna be a good one.

1) Flying to Shanghai early morning on 27th Nov, Tues.
2) Flying to Shenzhen in the evening.
3) Flying back to Wuxi the next evening.
4) Make my way to Shanghai on 29th Nov, Thurs.
5) Meeting with customer on 30th Nov, Fri.
6) I am not sure if I should stay in Shanghai for the weekend or back to Wuxi.
7) Stay for a week in Wuxi.
8) Flying back to Sg on 8th Dec.

Madness…….. but I feel good to be back for a while.

In Wuxi

I am away to (at) Wuxi. Will be back to Sg, touching down on Sun morning.

This trip, I am taking midnight flights, to and fro.

Last night, the luggage was so heavy, I tumbled down the stairs. I was being very careful since my back has just recovered. Dropping the bag onto the conveyor, 19.3kg it read. Phew… not overloaded. Now, backache, shoulders ache. Wish for massage... how I wish D and YJ are here. Hahaha…

Boss asked if I slept on the plane. Actually, sort of. I chose a 2 seaters and the flight wasn’t full. Blessed. :-) [But I didn’t get to watch any show coz I was so sleepy, my battery went almost flat.]

Very tired now in the office, but grateful that it’s cooler these days. Celebrating Diana’s (belated) birthday tonight. She fell last night, on her birthday. I asked if it was because she couldn’t contain the excitement being someone lived for half a century. Yaya…. I was mean, but thank goodness she’s fine.

JJ was asking me, what age we should be getting for the candle on the birthday cake. When I celebrated my birthday here in July, I asked for an “18”. Every year “18” I said. How about for Diana? Putting an “18” will definitely cheer her up. :-)

Tired.. exhausted.. going down to minus infinity

I feel like at the descending tangent curve, down all the way to minus infinity….

Yesterday, I rushed to Orchard Plaza to meet SE and AF after delivering some samples for evaluation. Then rushed all the way back to SQI for class. Reached there at 7.30pm, exhausted and to make it worse, the new lecturer who taught was so damn boring I think he put most of us to “idle” mode. I was forced to sit at the back, and my mind started to wander everywhere.

Don’t really like the way Mr. Teo taught but we have to sit through another 7 evenings the least. He doesn’t give live industrial example so we are not able to feel and grab where we can apply our knowledge. More to theoretical, and keep telling you “well, you’ll know better when you do the project” or “I’ll sidetalk with you later about this issue” or “many people argued about this theory, but take it for now, we’ll learn more later”. Lame… but anyway, not for us to judge, the most we can make very full use of the survey form by the end of the course. :-( I hate being cruel and bad, but it’s for the institute’s continuous improvement!

When I was waiting for bus at Heartland Mall, boss smsed and asked to arrange for some evaluations for my Italy customer. He asked to retrieve email. I was really exhausted, and I had to check my mail at almost midnight? Well, what to do, Italy was still working and I had to call them first to get more information, else, we’ll lost another day waiting for these information. Lucky me, customer sent me useful information this morning when I turned up to work.

SA resigned and his last day confirmed to be on 1st June. The final decision was out, I am taking back some of my accounts. Deep inside, I am so glad, coz I do not have to keep counting the hours when I am in the office anymore. I felt like rotting and no motivation. Now, the motivation is back, but we lose a colleague.

I am really sleepy and tired today, really don’t feel like up to anything but yet have to do everything.

Boss starts to complain “why every time you get this kind of small flies… if you get one big shot, you can sleep already”. I think he is stressed, me too…………

I am sick....

I was down with bad throat the evening before yesterday. Then I thought I might get sick real soon and so I went to see doctor. Well, at least not willingly. I normally do not see doctor unless I need MC. Haha.. coz I am a workaholic, so, I think of work all the time. But that evening was exceptional, I went to see doctor, I got an MC for yesterday.

But I still set my alarm to wake me up yesterday morning. Sad to say, I was really not well to go to work. When Uncle J smsed me asking if I want to have breakfast, I was too weak to reply. I was thinking of work every now and then though I couldn’t really do anything. Then, at 11.45am, YJ called me, telling me the fellow colleagues will go to my place to accompany me for lunch. Wow, I was touched, coz if they didn’t call, I may have skipped my lunch afterall.

Night time came just as fast; I have been asleep for whole day whole night. So, I thought watching tv may be good. But I was so wrong, after 3 hours of tv, my head got so heavy that I thought it might explode. When it was time to sleep, I vomited, then again and again until I fell asleep. Still, before I turned in, I set my alarm to wake me up today.

This morning I woke up, feeling much better, so I came to work. But actually I do not really feel well. SA says he will not pity me if I am knocked out today, because I am so stubborn to come to work even when my face is so pale and I am sneezing all the way. Well, I told him that if he understands me, he will not say much about me coming to work on a sick day. CC taking MC is rare, so is skipping work. If there is one day CC starts to skip work, day after day, then it’s a sign that CC is sick of the job and looking forward to move on.

Very tired now.. still a bit feverish, and I can’t wait to go home to get knocked out by yet another round of medicine….

I am back :-)

Ok, I have came back safe and sound, and the same old feeling all over again. It’s really warm back here. Flight back was delayed, and R sent me a sms asking me out on Sunday. Imagine, he tried to contact me as soon as he is back in Sg himself. He has just came back from business trip. I told him I was in Shanghai airport, and would be flying in just a while. Told him I am kind of occupied on Sunday, thus we have to meet up some other day.

In the plane, YJ and I were separated, because we didn’t indicate when we checked in, that we want to sit together. Imagine, what a “dong dong” staff Eastern Airlines has. What was the point of checking in together if we do not want to sit together? Funny as it is…

The old uncle who sat beside me was inconsiderate, he read papers with his arm widely spread and surely, he took half of my space. I was trying to read in disgust and anger. An hour plus later, he asked if I could help him filling up the white card. I was impressed, an old Chinese uncle can actually spell better than some young ones. :-) Lesson number one, do not judge a book by its cover.

He told me he was from Dalian (where in China, I do not know). He told me Dalian is 1 hour and 40 mins flight from Shanghai. So, he left Dalian 6.50 in the morning to take a flight to Shanghai before transfer to the flight to Sg. His flight from Dalian was delayed from 7am to 12pm, and it was snowing.

His purpose of visit to Sg, his second daughter is heavily pregnant, and he is coming to help her during confinement. Well, he is born in the year 1935, 6 years older than my dad, but obviously, my dad will sound more like a frog under the coconut shell than this uncle.

He has been to States, to visits his first daughter. He said he has traveled thrice to both States and Sg. He came Sg the first time, with his wife, back in 2001, when he came again in 2003, his wife has already passed on. He has been to Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Boston, Mexico, you name it, and he has it. :-)

Well, I felt bad after talking to uncle, I have never brought my parents anywhere except to shop for groceries when I go home. Silently, I made a promise; I will definitely make something out this year, since I have the time in the world, by myself.

Uncle kept talking on and on about what he thinks of States, Sg and China. Made time flies slightly faster.

Woken up this morning by CW, my senior in high school. He called every once in a blue moon, and as I said, each time, I was kind of expecting wedding invitation. But this time round, it is slightly different. His gf of 7 years has just left him, claiming that she has no feeling for him anymore. And she has found some other new excitement in life, after moving office into some other department, that sound much more interesting and exciting than the previous life she has. Sound so familiar…… so like me. :-p

Well, CW is coming to Sg for a meeting on the 7th Feb, asking if I have time for him, then he will arrange to go back KL later. Well, no harm in catching up with an old friend, I agreed to take a day leave if he can extend his trip. Or perhaps I should take just half day off.

Things are changing at work, I hope I can cope with the changes, improve and move on. But with the changes, I am not sure if they will speed up or slow down my promotion. I was working real hard for it and now, my “empire” is gone. I have to start from scratch, once again. Do they think that I am really so energized to start all over again and again?

God knows………

Greetings from Wuxi....

It is good weather in Wuxi today, but YJ commented that she felt cold, teeth shattering with each other. I do not really feel well due to the time of the month, this is the first time in more than half a year, I travel with such heavy condition.

Traveling with someone is definitely different. YJ was late, in the morning. We were supposed to meet at 8am but she arrived 15 minutes later. Well, ok, then she told me she didn’t sleep well last night because the boyfriend and her quarreled. I didn’t ask much.

Just before we board, YJ told me she needed to call K. So, ok, I boarded the plane first, giving her some privacy. After all, I seldom travel with someone, so, I fully understand and appreciate the word ‘privacy’.

She boarded like 5 to 10 minutes later, with teary eyes. I asked “are you okay?” She said “no, I am not really okay”. That was it, I didn’t ask anymore. If she wanted to share with me, she could have told me right.

On the way to Wuxi from Shanghai, when we were in the car, she finally said it. That she quarreled with K because K seldom spends time with her. And I think I can conclude that her world is revolving around K’s. Just like mine revolving around B’s last time.

Well, what can I say? I couldn’t say anything to console, actually I couldn’t bring myself to say anything because I have just gotten myself out of a broken relationship, and who gives me that green light to mind about other people’s relationship? I just feel good this time to Wuxi, that I do not have that kind of mental burden like last few times.

This time, I am really enjoying my flight, my dinner, my shopping with D and of course, coming back to hotel to check email, without the obligation to chat with him anymore.

I like the weather, but going to the toilet in the morning is always a torture. Make me missed Japanese toilet seats with warmer. Anyway, just now while we were shopping, we saw some toilet seat cover made by not sure what, something like carpet. I bought one, just to reduce the torture toilet experience.

Anyway, quite tired now coz didn’t sleep well last night after talking to mum. My cousin of same year is getting married to her boyfriend of less than 2 years on 29th Sept’07. Why everyone seems to be so easy talking and planning and executing weddings when mine is just another failure.