When happiness turns bitter...

It wasn’t until recently when I get to know about one of old schoolmate’s broken marriage that I gave a thought to divorce issues.

I mean, divorce is a norm in Sg society, but I have never given it a deep thought.

I felt especially bad for my old friend coz I am enjoying married life. But her case felt like a slap on my face. I shouldn’t be sharing too much happiness on Facebook. I should be considerate enough to friends who are single, broken relationship, broken engagement, broken marriage, broken family, etc.

Thus, I seldom update my status now. I am trying my best to keep low profile.

Sometimes, I wonder, and that’s what I asked hubby.

“How does a loving marriage turns into so bad?”

So bad that the almost-ex hubby had to “kidnap” their baby of 1 year old?

When we marry, we were so in love, happily adding the family member.. thought we could live happily ever after.

“Happily ever after” does not happen to everyone…

While I hope my friend able to find her daughter as quickly as possible, I also wish those who are in love will be in love forever…..

Different Perception of Happiness perhaps...

A is a close friend. She has a boyfriend called B.

A & B met and got together 3 years ago. In the 3 years of relationship, there have been a lot of quarrels.

“Need for freedom”: A said of what B wants.

“Overly controlling”: B said of what A does.

I do not know both side of the story, but each time, when I saw A with swollen eyes, my heart went all out for her.

Any woman deserves better man.

If I were her, I would have left long time ago. And that’s what I told her. But she wouldn’t be able to do it. She couldn’t even stand not sending any contact in the day, even when they were fighting and he obviously didn’t make any move.

Why? You may ask. I have been asking myself this question since Day 1. I do not know either.

She deserves better.

And so the story goes, he proposed in the 3rd year of relationship.

Not a month after proposal, they quarrelled again. He told her he wasn’t ready for marriage.

Why proposed then? Coz she threatened to leave if he doesn’t.

And things went well and bad, on and off, on and off, on and off...

Today, 20.09.2009, they are going for their ROM.

Normally, when i learned my friends are getting married, I’ll feel happy for them.
I am happy for A, if she is happy. I told her numerous times, she owed it to herself to be happy. Stick with her decision if it makes her happy.

Obviously, she is not that happy.

Few months ago, he told her he didn’t feel the chemistry for her anymore. He lose the kind of feeling when they got together.

Few days ago, he told her he is not that committed to the marriage. She asked if he wants to call-off the ROM. He said she should do it if she wants to, but he wasn’t going to do it.

And so, the next day, they patched up again. Got some wedding favors for guests who’ll attend their ROM.

Do not think A is an ugly woman. She is a pretty one, friendly, smart, educated and kind woman. It’s just her life, the decision she makes made her less happy (or so I perceived).

I really hope her marriage will work well. Although many says leopard will never change its spots. I sincerely hope B will change for their marriage sake.

My opinion in this issue:

I know she doesn’t want to tell her best friends about him ill-treating her that much. They started to hate him back then, she doesn’t want them to hate him more. She wants them to be happy for her. Seriously, they want her to be happy, just like I do.

I just think that some times, we’ll have to play hard to get with men. Do not let them think we can’t do without them. Instead, make it a point that we can live or live better without them, at times.

For the man, I think it is really irresponsible to propose and move ahead with wedding if that is not what he wants. It is going to be a high price to pay. His reason of moving on: she is a nice girl, and he likes her. He knows he’ll regret if he doesn’t marry her, but he doesn’t have the heart to marry her just yet.

Happy ROM, A... bless..

Sound so purrrfect.... :-)

An old friend posted this in Friendster's bulletin.

When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stares at your mouth
[ smile...then kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hits you
[ hug her tight ]

When she starts cursing at you
[ say I love you ]

When she's quiet
[ hold her hand and ask what's wrong ]

When she ignores you
[ act cute so she'll notice you ]

When she pulls away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ tell her you love her and she still looks amazing ]

When you see her start crying
[hold her...ask her what's wrong]

When you see her walking
[ approach her.. give a kiss on the cheek. ]

When she's scared
[assure her you're not going to leave her ]

When she lays her head on your shoulder
[ tilt your head too and hold her hand ]

When she steals your favorite hat
[ let her keep it]

When she teases you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesn’t answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she looks at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she says that she likes you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grabs at your hands
[ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]

When she bumps into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tells you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[don’t look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok don’t believe it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you:

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Whose ass am I kicking babe?"

Differences

Dad says, ‘no one in the world has same frequency, same principle, characters or thinking as us. The most important thing is how you give in and accommodate each other”.

Mum says, ‘you have better consider properly’.

That was when I told parents our differences in thinking and principles.

He is a Gemini, he “thinks”. I am a Cancerian, I “feel”.

He thinks logics. I think logics are nonsense.

How can one be logical all the time? It’s so boring.

Have you ever....

Have you ever fell in love with someone you thought you know very well but then, incidents after incidents reveal another side of him or her that makes you think again, “do I know him/her that well?”

Have you ever fell in love with someone and yet you think you may not have bright future together?

Have you ever fell in love with someone of your total opposite and have nothing in common?

Have you ever fell in love with someone holding so strongly to his/her principles that it hurts you?

Life reveals itself in a very mysterious way. If you say yes to any of the above, good luck I guess.

We are not getting younger....

I chatted with Mike the Friday before I went to Wuxi.

I asked how is he, Michelle (the wife) and Miracle (the daughter) doing. And he told me Miracle is very cute now, learning how to make noises and flipping over.

I said, “great to heart that”.

Next, he said “when are you going to make one?” ***literally stunned by his question***

Then this dreadful conversation:

Mike: We are not young anymore, coming to 30 already.
Me: But we baru turning 2* next month wo.
Mike: What will you be getting for yourself as birthday gift?
Me: Still thinking.
Mike: A husband perhaps.
Me: How to get myself a husband. It’s not in my wish list. (started to get quite annoyed)
Mike: Err… go out and look Just pick anyone.
Me: Just pick anyone?? Cannot be so cincai one lar. I just wanna concentrate in work.. that’s more important for now.
Mike: Wah.... your work ain’t going to accompany you to old age. Next thing you know, you're gonna be in your fifties and still alone.
Me: But working is a happy thing for now. You sound too negative gua.
Mike: That is temporary only you need to have a long term plan also. Not to say too negative, but just being down to earth in reality.
Me: It's not easy to find someone u feel like spending the rest of life with. You are lucky to have found her, and it's reciprocated.
Mike: It's not luck. Relationship requires constant work.
Mike: Love don't just blossom like that. Even after the marriage, things are not always blissful.
Me: That’s the scary part.
Mike: But that's the exciting part. Handle it well and your life will be meaningful.
Mike: Handle it wrongly and your life will be a living hell.
Mike: That is why God is here to aid us.
Me: I lose faith.
Mike: But it's never too late to get it back again.
Me: Need help of coz.
Mike: That why friends like me are here.
Me: Haha... I am lucky.

End of the conversation, I was quite pissed. As usual, when others tried to convince me that the other side of the pie is tastier…

What would you do if.....

Well, this is dedicated to the female readers out there.

"If you were to find your better half (be it your bf or your hubby) having affair with someone and you caught him red-handed, how would you react to the situation?"

Option A, you scold the woman and then scold your better half.

Option B, you thank the woman, ask her to get lost and then confront your better half.

There were no other options, but I will choose neither. If it happens to me, I would choose to walk away, without confronting anyone. He said I should have given a chance for explanation. But I do not think it's necessary. I will not bother to waste even another breath on this man, ever again.

Well, why thank the woman, you would ask. I am not sure either. But heard that it's a kind of psychological stuffs. If you thank the woman for her service to your better half, then you appear more "superior" compared to the "ungrateful couple".

My opinion, if this kind of thing happened, you do not and would not want to appear any superior or inferior, coz you wish you just vanished in the thin air.

Mars Vs Venus

Recently Mars Vs Venus is on Channel 8, 9pm. I like the show, hope to recommend to the super unromantic guys out there so they know how to tackle a girl's heart. :-p

There is this book called Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus. I guess not many can finish the book.

So, let me recommend you to watch this show. It's a summary of the book, in a very interesting way.

I feel sad I can't watch it on Mon, Wed and Fri. I missed 60% of the show! :-(

Invest in a woman

I received this email from Grace, and I agree, to a certain extent, that investing in a woman and you will get a great return, this is a life long policy. :-)

***Quote***
It’s a great fortune to invest your time in a woman, especially a good woman. If you are an experienced man, you would certainly agree with me.

Women are peculiar species. If you have succeeded in conquering her heart, she will ceaselessly sacrifice for you till the end of your life.

Just think over, you just spend a little of your time to go out for dinner with her, watch a movie or give her a simple gift, or say a few words to touch her heart or you promise her that you will bring happiness till the end of her life, or take time to help her kill some cockroaches in the kitchen, or sometimes spend some efforts helping her to carry some heavy stuff, or to open the car door for her. Continue to do all the above things and care for her well-being for 2 to 3 years to come……..

What do you get in return?

You will be amazed to find that you have a woman whom would continue to care for your well-being for the rest of your life. She will wait for you at the door steps with a naïve and sweet smile each time when you meet her (of course, you don’t get the sweet smile when you are arguing with her), nevertheless, she would still prepare a warm dinner for you after the heated argument has faded away…

The greatest of all things she has done for her life, is to give birth to your child (of course, the unbearable pain need not be mentioned here)… She would continue to care and feed the child that carry your surname for many years to come no matter how naughty your child would be.

On top of that, she also does the thing you that hated the most, i.e. doing housework, washing your clothes, sleep your child and tossing alone in the bedroom waiting for you at night for your return. For some of you, you would rather spend some time drinking with your friends at the bar and telling her that you have important assignments in the office, letting her to wait for your return in the living room till the wee hours of the morning …

When you are down, she will be the first to encourage you. When you are happy, she would be the first to feel for your happiness before you open your mouth to tell her by looking at your face. When you achieve some good results at work or assignments, she feels the happiness with all her heart and pray to God to protect and bless you with more successes in the future.

Despite all the above, you repay her by asking her to talk less and tell her not to bother your work. You ask her to sleep when she wanted to spend some precious time with you sharing with some simple happenings of the day. Sometimes, you are too proud to take her out when you are out with your friends. Can you feel that the suffering that she has to endure for the next 30 years of her life staying with someone like you?

And for men, for the next 30 years, what do you do to repay her gratitude; you are only capable to continue to do what you know…….to work.

Please continue to appreciate the woman of your life….

If you noticed that if there any women whom start to show some sacrifices to you, your door to the days of happiness has opened before you ….

Please grab the opportunity to share the happiness with her and help her to be the man of her dreams….

***Unquote***

Retribution?

I wrote an email to EK end of last year, when I treated B like dirt. Because I was reflecting on my past relationships and I thought “gosh, look at what you have done to your life. You didn’t want to marry when EK wanted to marry you. And you wanted to marry B who doesn’t want to marry you.”

Well, I know you are confused, but don’t be. These 2 incidents happened 5 years apart. So, I didn’t dump EK for B.

To re-cap, EK was really good to me.

1) He was one boyfriend who didn’t care for anything else in the world when you were sick, keep by your side to the extent washing my laundry.
2) He was one boyfriend who bought meals / washed laundry for you when you were sitting for examination, making sure you study every second you have. And he drives you to and from the examination hall.
3) He was one boyfriend who bought dresses for you. He was shy in his own way, but proud to be able to buy you girl things.
4) He was one boyfriend who had planned the future “for you” with you in the picture. And he executed his plan, bit by bit.
5) He was one boyfriend who sent money to you when he started working and you were still studying so you can go shopping with your female friends, shop till you drop as a matter of fact.

So, you may ask me, why did I leave?

1) He was too nice and stable that he wasn’t ambitious. He didn’t want to make it big, just earn enough money and have a happy stable family is good.
2) He was too nice that he dare not celebrate your birthday with you when his sisters were around, so you had to bear with it that your birthday was nothing special.
3) The most important point was, I was too young at that point of time to think of his good points. Because I was too young and ambitious, he didn’t seem like the right one for me.

5 years now, and we got back in touch recently, things changed tremendously, for him:-

1) His elder sister is married to a Singaporean rather than her 8-years-relationship Malaysian boyfriend then, now expecting the second baby.
2) His elder brother divorced the wife.
3) The younger twin sister has just given birth and she is in confinement now.
4) And he, himself registered his marriage, waiting for his new house.

Now, the ultimate question would be “do you regret leaving him whom wants to marry you?”

Let me see, if I didn’t leave him, we would be together for 7 years now. Probably we already have more than one kid now. Or perhaps we are suffering from the 7-years itch now.

One thing for sure, I do not regret leaving him 5 years ago because my reasons were all valid, except for the point I was too young then, I didn’t treasure him. I definitely regret if I do it now, because I ended up with someone who doesn’t want to marry.

Retribution is done. I hope I learned to treasure things in life. :-)

Language of Love

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Acts of Service.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		9
Acts of Service:		7
Quality Time:		7
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		2

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Happy V-day :-)

It’s V-day, love and romance is in the air. I can’t wait to see what surprises my dear friends will receive. If I were a guy, I would definitely be able to make my girl happy, touched and love me very much. Ha, having said this, I remember AZ told me when we were in Sec 5, that if she were a guy, she knew what I want and she sure managed to court me.

One colleague who is married to her childhood sweetheart, in her slightly past 35 I guess told me that old couple, will spend time at home, watching DVDs. Her hubby said eating in restaurants on V-day is expensive. But just now, her hubby actually had 3 dozens of roses delivered to office! Gosh, this is what we call, least expected. :-)

YJ, was once again, disappointed with K yesterday because of his always-busy-and-I-tried-hard-to-meet-you attitude. She told me they have been bickering these few days that it is almost impossible to have romantic day tomorrow. And last I heard K has parade at 6pm, making it even impossible to meet her for surprise. So, he “made effort” to meet her on eve of V-day. YJ is a drop dead romantic girl, and I can fully understand her need to be pampered once in a while. This morning, K surprisingly gave her a surprise, he went to YJ's house early morning, gave YJ a bouquet of rose to make up for his absence tonight and sent her to work. Wow, another happy surprise. :-)

ZL’s boyfriend came with a few friends the other day. They sang at the reception area, then her boyfriend gave her a bouquet of rose and kissed her. Ha, you are right, what, in the office? Well, young couple with youth and energy.

R called last week, telling me his wife told him that she wants a break, would like to have some time off their marriage. I guess it was because his wife was under exam stress. He was very worried, asked me what to do. What can I say to such important matter? It’s the marriage we are talking about you know. I could only pray for their well being.

R just called again. He said his wife finished exam and he is buying her a hand phone as V-day gift. Honestly, he has been buying new gadget for her every year. For the first year I know him, he bought a hand phone for her, the next year, he bought her a laptop. This is the third year, and he is buying her another hand phone.

That day when I was having lunch with my colleagues, we were talking yet about the same topic, V-day.

“What are you going to buy for your wife?” JL was asked.
“Nothing” he answered.
“How about you?” DW’s turn.
“Not sure yet, depend on what she buys for me” he replied.

Then the table turned to me “if your better half didn’t buy you anything, would you be angry?”

“Well, when I was with my just-turned-ex boyfriend, he didn’t buy anything for V-day, B-day, Anniversary or X’mas” I answered.

“But you’ve got such a big bouquet of flower on your birthday last year!”
“Yes, going to sound unfair, but I got that bouquet of flower because I threw tantrum! Not because he was romantic or anything” I explained.

It’s really funny, when I was with B, I had this expectation or hope that he’ll make some effort to celebrate with me. But as of now, I hope my friends around me get surprises from their better half so that they are happy. I am happy by myself, I have even bought a box of Andes mint chocolates so I can make everyone happy. (I hope I am generous enough to get a stalk of rose for each of the girls in the office, but would I be a bit too extreme?)

To those in love out there, may you guys treasure your loved ones as if everyday is V-day. Happy V-day, muuuaaacks!

Another week is gone….

Saturday, 6th Jan’07

It has been a short week. Started work on Wednesday, quite relaxed, but tired, due to lack of sleep back in KL.

Rented 2 books from Bookcraves, one by Linda Francis Lee, another by Cathy Kelly. Like both author. Hope these 2 books can last me 2 weekends. Trying to read as slowly as possible.

Went for dinner with R yesterday, after work. Then to Toa Payoh to watch Blood Diamond. Is R a potential? No, not really, but I really do not mind company to dinner. Haha… sounds unfair, but as what CJ said, no harm going out and make friends. I am still young. :-) Furthermore, it was B’s birthday yesterday, the 33th birthday. I remembered, but I didn’t send my wish. It’s kinda complicated, yet not-so-difficult feeling.

“Good morning. Until when will you be ignoring me?” – B smsed just now.

“It is clear I am holding on. I see reasons to hold on my heart is holding on bec I still love you. Why are you so cold hearted towards me?” – another sms, waking me up from my planned-to-sleep-in-late dreamland.

“I’ve already moved on with my life. It is up to you, if you still want to hang on.” – I replied.

“I understand how you feel. I did many wrong things in this relationship. I know nothing but I know this I am sincere about my feelings for you. I am true bec what I feel now is not loneliness but emptiness at the very sole of my being. I truly love you still do deeply. Please keep an open mind for me” – he smsed again.

“My feelings for you changed, tat is why. Hang on all you want, I can’t stop you. One day, either of us will find someone.” – I replied.

“It is not true. I have told you before my heart is closed. No longer looking. We have differences. We are different but we can work things out.” – yet another sms from B.

Then he sent another, telling me he has just dropped another pillow, softer version at the doorstep. Am I touched? Not really. I am really disappointed in myself. Why am I thinking so much after so long? Mike may be right, it’s wasted because both of us spent 2 years together. But does it matter? 2 years or 20 years? Why some couple would want to divorce after 20 years or marriage?

I have been thinking a lot, especially the trip I went back to KL. Is it true that he is not as good as I said? If he wasn’t good, he would not have done things he has done. Though he was never around, for emotion or moral support whenever I needed someone, he has always think of what I need, material wise.

I am one clumsy gal, with the original VAIO laptop bag; I always knock people on the bus. He bought me a slim laptop bag. I wanted a bracelet; he bought a 19-diamonds bracelet. I was easily tired; he bought me half a dozen of essence of chicken.

I am not cold hearted, I am not heartless. I am yet another girl next door, with very strong emotion. But I cannot turn back this time. The problem doesn’t really lie JUST in him, it lies in me too.

Independent as I sound, I need someone by my side, at times, no… most of the time. And he was never around. So what you are showered with THINGS when what you really want is time spent together, affection and passion. We have been together for 2 years, exact time spent, less than half a year. Exactly, we spent the most; one day a weekend with each other.

At times we were good, there were always programs in his life. To meet up with colleagues (yes, you are right, colleagues that he sees everyday through the working week, from breakfast up to dinner) but still there is a need to meet up on weekends. It happened when one of the colleague’s wife is away or that particular colleague wants to have guys night out. Some other reasons would be, Aunt is staying alone, and he has to accompany her. So, you see, going out with him was a mental burden.

It’s just like having an affair with your married lover. He has to make sure the one at home is well. And he will sneak out to have fun with you when everything’s fine. Funny, this feeling is yet so familiar.

When we were on the verge of breaking up, he made drastic decision. To find his way back to Sg. This I do not agree. Why come out of your comfort zone just because of someone, someone maybe not really worth your love? If she loves you, THAT MUCH, she would have accepted whatever decision you make, whatever you do. Does it matter where you are?

Anyway, he has rejected the new employer’s offer, though he signed the letter. He was made to pay half a month salary as penalty for breaching contract. This is not the first time he breached contract. I am quite sure, if we are still together, he would have resigned and work in Sg, so much so that he can be with me when I need him.

Well, wish the best for him, as the reason to leave the current company is no longer valid. Used to complain that there was no career path for him, the MD actually created a path, promoted him, and offered him a better pay package. What else can he ask for, when in actual fact, he didn’t really want to leave the company in the first place. There is nothing wrong to choose to stay in a comfort zone.

Heard from HIM, that the company may be setting up a plant in China. It is yet another opportunity for B and HIM. I am glad we are apart now, at least whatever decision he made/make/going to make will not affect anything. I wish for his happiness.

In actual fact, I have never really shared sorrows with B. I blamed him for being indecisive, not protective. I did not feel secured with him. And he was right, I only remember bad things he has done, never about good things.

Mommy says the one who do the dumping shouldn’t feel that bad. I feel extremely bad, worse when I think of the past 2 years, the happy memories we had. But keep telling myself that it’s over. New year new beginning, I have to let go of the past and be prepared for whatever it might come.

CJ says, not to close the “door” too fast. B may change to a better person. Other than that, I have to work to be a better person myself. :-)

Quoting CY, “good life starts only when you stop wanting a better one”.

Till then, perhaps it is better to work on something that will not hurt…. My career… I want to be promoted within this year. Big order, here I come. :-)

Sunday, 7th Jan’07

Auntie Serene got on my nerves again. So, I asked B to delivery my tv asap. I am not going to stay outside the room for any second longer than necessary. Let her take my rental, full stop, end of story. Each time I am opened to conversation, her bl**dy mouth will babble something that sounds like coming out from a retarded brain. And she treats you like one. :-(

Went to meet HIM at Bugis when his children were having Chinese tuition. God, it felt like an affair although it wasn’t one. The way HE had to walk behind me in public make me wonder, is this how it felt, to be a ‘mistress’. The feeling sure not so good, but why should I be bothered, it is not going to affect much anyway.

After meeting HIM, I went to shop around in OG, Bugis Village, Bugis Junction and Seiyu. Bought my first-in-life off-shoulder top and a bag for weekend use. Well, there are many things need to be bought, but I have yet to think carefully… camera, new hp, MP3/4, contact lenses (I wonder if I still can wear them) and etc…

CJ asked, saying he thought I bought a 3-in-1 hp, ya, MP3, camera and phone functions, all in one. But at point of purchase with my doc cousin in 2005, I was looking for some entertainment when I travel with MRT, under tunnel when normal radio frequency dies off.

Now, I realize, I can’t switch on my hp on the plane. Something I hate especially when I am not taking SQ to Shanghai. Five and a half hour without entertainment, other than my novel. Which is considered good, but definitely not good enough. Maybe I should get something better. :-p

It’s almost bedtime…. Just realized that the conference call and customer meeting clash tomorrow. I have to give them a call for reschedule to Tuesday instead.

I am not sure if S managed to register the Globalizing the Six Sigma Way 3-days seminar for me. It’s going to be short week in office, but long hours of work. Because I have to read my emails after the 9-5 seminar, which means, I will have to patronize Mc’D for 4 consecutive. Gosh, that’s a lot!

Till then……. Good night…

Second weekend as a SOLO

Second weekend as a SOLO

Saturday, 23rd Dec’06

Waking up at 9 plus on Sat morning, I left for Mc’D to work, together with Auntie Serene, invited her to join me for breakfast. Didn’t receive many emails probably because customers have already left for their long holiday, some of which wouldn’t be back till after 2nd Jan’07.

I went to my first facial in AMK, didn’t really want to meet bro and gf so they won’t be able to ask too many questions. Ended up asking HIM if HE was free for a drink. So, took a bus from AMK all the way to Harbourfront, but way too early on time, so, I wandered around the newly opened Vivo City. Heck, Singaporean have nothing to do other than shopping is it. The “city” was full house, with long queues at restaurants.

I “tumbled” upon a bookshop, quite big, named PageOne. Bought a book by Linda Francis Lee titled “The Wedding Diaries”. Bought a small cup of Chunkey Monkey, banana flavoured ice-cream with walnut and chocholate. :-) It was good… haha.. eating while walking in such a big crowd.. shiok…! Reminded me of when we were in Shanghai, eating ice-cream in Nanjing East Rd.

We went to East Coast, had a bottle of vodka each while sitting facing the fierce waves washing off the shore. Confided in HIM, cried and cried on HIS shoulder. Then we went to the pub named BFD for another few round of drinks, till I was tipsy all over. Well, there goes, I have rashes all over my neck again. :-(

Sunday, 24th Dec’06
Woken up by a sms from HIM, asking if I want coffee. Meaning breakfast, well, HE said he would arrive in 30 mins, so, up I went, to take bath (didn’t take bath before I turned in last night because of drunk, slightly drunk).

Came back home to read Sat’s paper but received a phone call from an ex-staff complaining about her bad days at work, for 2.5 hours straight, my ear was painful. Lending ears to people is not an easy task ya.

B left X’mas gifts at the front door, a pair of thermal gloves for my overseas trip in winter and a bottle of Ralph Lauren perfume.

Met B for X’mas dinner, but knew things have changed. We went to formerly called “Marche” now called “Village” for my favorite lobster. We chatted casually, until almost end of the dinner, started to talk seriously about our relationship.

Well, true as it is, he wasn’t ready to get married, that was why he dragged and put off marriage discussion for the past year. And too bad, even now, I can’t bring myself to trust that he really love me so much to the extent he is not able to let go. I guess the fear of failure plays a part. His super natural instinct to lie in everything makes me lose confidence yet again. Let’s just take this opportunity to think of what we really want.

For now, I would be grateful if we could move on with our lives, then see if our paths can ever intersect again.

15 minutes to Christmas… Merry X’mas again everyone!