I am back :-)

Ok, I have came back safe and sound, and the same old feeling all over again. It’s really warm back here. Flight back was delayed, and R sent me a sms asking me out on Sunday. Imagine, he tried to contact me as soon as he is back in Sg himself. He has just came back from business trip. I told him I was in Shanghai airport, and would be flying in just a while. Told him I am kind of occupied on Sunday, thus we have to meet up some other day.

In the plane, YJ and I were separated, because we didn’t indicate when we checked in, that we want to sit together. Imagine, what a “dong dong” staff Eastern Airlines has. What was the point of checking in together if we do not want to sit together? Funny as it is…

The old uncle who sat beside me was inconsiderate, he read papers with his arm widely spread and surely, he took half of my space. I was trying to read in disgust and anger. An hour plus later, he asked if I could help him filling up the white card. I was impressed, an old Chinese uncle can actually spell better than some young ones. :-) Lesson number one, do not judge a book by its cover.

He told me he was from Dalian (where in China, I do not know). He told me Dalian is 1 hour and 40 mins flight from Shanghai. So, he left Dalian 6.50 in the morning to take a flight to Shanghai before transfer to the flight to Sg. His flight from Dalian was delayed from 7am to 12pm, and it was snowing.

His purpose of visit to Sg, his second daughter is heavily pregnant, and he is coming to help her during confinement. Well, he is born in the year 1935, 6 years older than my dad, but obviously, my dad will sound more like a frog under the coconut shell than this uncle.

He has been to States, to visits his first daughter. He said he has traveled thrice to both States and Sg. He came Sg the first time, with his wife, back in 2001, when he came again in 2003, his wife has already passed on. He has been to Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Boston, Mexico, you name it, and he has it. :-)

Well, I felt bad after talking to uncle, I have never brought my parents anywhere except to shop for groceries when I go home. Silently, I made a promise; I will definitely make something out this year, since I have the time in the world, by myself.

Uncle kept talking on and on about what he thinks of States, Sg and China. Made time flies slightly faster.

Woken up this morning by CW, my senior in high school. He called every once in a blue moon, and as I said, each time, I was kind of expecting wedding invitation. But this time round, it is slightly different. His gf of 7 years has just left him, claiming that she has no feeling for him anymore. And she has found some other new excitement in life, after moving office into some other department, that sound much more interesting and exciting than the previous life she has. Sound so familiar…… so like me. :-p

Well, CW is coming to Sg for a meeting on the 7th Feb, asking if I have time for him, then he will arrange to go back KL later. Well, no harm in catching up with an old friend, I agreed to take a day leave if he can extend his trip. Or perhaps I should take just half day off.

Things are changing at work, I hope I can cope with the changes, improve and move on. But with the changes, I am not sure if they will speed up or slow down my promotion. I was working real hard for it and now, my “empire” is gone. I have to start from scratch, once again. Do they think that I am really so energized to start all over again and again?

God knows………

Greetings from Wuxi....

It is good weather in Wuxi today, but YJ commented that she felt cold, teeth shattering with each other. I do not really feel well due to the time of the month, this is the first time in more than half a year, I travel with such heavy condition.

Traveling with someone is definitely different. YJ was late, in the morning. We were supposed to meet at 8am but she arrived 15 minutes later. Well, ok, then she told me she didn’t sleep well last night because the boyfriend and her quarreled. I didn’t ask much.

Just before we board, YJ told me she needed to call K. So, ok, I boarded the plane first, giving her some privacy. After all, I seldom travel with someone, so, I fully understand and appreciate the word ‘privacy’.

She boarded like 5 to 10 minutes later, with teary eyes. I asked “are you okay?” She said “no, I am not really okay”. That was it, I didn’t ask anymore. If she wanted to share with me, she could have told me right.

On the way to Wuxi from Shanghai, when we were in the car, she finally said it. That she quarreled with K because K seldom spends time with her. And I think I can conclude that her world is revolving around K’s. Just like mine revolving around B’s last time.

Well, what can I say? I couldn’t say anything to console, actually I couldn’t bring myself to say anything because I have just gotten myself out of a broken relationship, and who gives me that green light to mind about other people’s relationship? I just feel good this time to Wuxi, that I do not have that kind of mental burden like last few times.

This time, I am really enjoying my flight, my dinner, my shopping with D and of course, coming back to hotel to check email, without the obligation to chat with him anymore.

I like the weather, but going to the toilet in the morning is always a torture. Make me missed Japanese toilet seats with warmer. Anyway, just now while we were shopping, we saw some toilet seat cover made by not sure what, something like carpet. I bought one, just to reduce the torture toilet experience.

Anyway, quite tired now coz didn’t sleep well last night after talking to mum. My cousin of same year is getting married to her boyfriend of less than 2 years on 29th Sept’07. Why everyone seems to be so easy talking and planning and executing weddings when mine is just another failure.

I am The High Priestess...

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

Suddenly Sexy – Linda Francis Lee

Finished reading the 361 pages book in less than 24 hours, confirming that Linda Francis Lee is also a hilarious author, but, she is HOTTER than Sophie Kinsella.

LFL can write about making passionate love, from foreplay to the end. After reading 2 books of hers, I see some similarity in the characters. The female main character mainly, too vulnerable, and the male main character are too good to be true, gentleman, and protective.

Well, I intend to get another 2 books of the same series, Sinfully Sexy and Simply Sexy. I am expecting the same familiar feelings for the female and male characters. Though I am praying hard, please do not disappoint me. :-p

I do not remember, but there was an author who wrote about falling in love with the family. Most of her book, falling in love with the oh-so-right people in the beginning, to realize that he/she is blood related, revealed great stories buried beneath, then to realize that they are not blood related, and can be happily ever after. Not fair to mention her name, coz I honestly do not remember. I read her books like 10 years ago.

But I promise, one day when I remember, I will definitely share. In fact, I do not mind reading the same plot. Oh, so Korean…….

Another week is gone….

Saturday, 6th Jan’07

It has been a short week. Started work on Wednesday, quite relaxed, but tired, due to lack of sleep back in KL.

Rented 2 books from Bookcraves, one by Linda Francis Lee, another by Cathy Kelly. Like both author. Hope these 2 books can last me 2 weekends. Trying to read as slowly as possible.

Went for dinner with R yesterday, after work. Then to Toa Payoh to watch Blood Diamond. Is R a potential? No, not really, but I really do not mind company to dinner. Haha… sounds unfair, but as what CJ said, no harm going out and make friends. I am still young. :-) Furthermore, it was B’s birthday yesterday, the 33th birthday. I remembered, but I didn’t send my wish. It’s kinda complicated, yet not-so-difficult feeling.

“Good morning. Until when will you be ignoring me?” – B smsed just now.

“It is clear I am holding on. I see reasons to hold on my heart is holding on bec I still love you. Why are you so cold hearted towards me?” – another sms, waking me up from my planned-to-sleep-in-late dreamland.

“I’ve already moved on with my life. It is up to you, if you still want to hang on.” – I replied.

“I understand how you feel. I did many wrong things in this relationship. I know nothing but I know this I am sincere about my feelings for you. I am true bec what I feel now is not loneliness but emptiness at the very sole of my being. I truly love you still do deeply. Please keep an open mind for me” – he smsed again.

“My feelings for you changed, tat is why. Hang on all you want, I can’t stop you. One day, either of us will find someone.” – I replied.

“It is not true. I have told you before my heart is closed. No longer looking. We have differences. We are different but we can work things out.” – yet another sms from B.

Then he sent another, telling me he has just dropped another pillow, softer version at the doorstep. Am I touched? Not really. I am really disappointed in myself. Why am I thinking so much after so long? Mike may be right, it’s wasted because both of us spent 2 years together. But does it matter? 2 years or 20 years? Why some couple would want to divorce after 20 years or marriage?

I have been thinking a lot, especially the trip I went back to KL. Is it true that he is not as good as I said? If he wasn’t good, he would not have done things he has done. Though he was never around, for emotion or moral support whenever I needed someone, he has always think of what I need, material wise.

I am one clumsy gal, with the original VAIO laptop bag; I always knock people on the bus. He bought me a slim laptop bag. I wanted a bracelet; he bought a 19-diamonds bracelet. I was easily tired; he bought me half a dozen of essence of chicken.

I am not cold hearted, I am not heartless. I am yet another girl next door, with very strong emotion. But I cannot turn back this time. The problem doesn’t really lie JUST in him, it lies in me too.

Independent as I sound, I need someone by my side, at times, no… most of the time. And he was never around. So what you are showered with THINGS when what you really want is time spent together, affection and passion. We have been together for 2 years, exact time spent, less than half a year. Exactly, we spent the most; one day a weekend with each other.

At times we were good, there were always programs in his life. To meet up with colleagues (yes, you are right, colleagues that he sees everyday through the working week, from breakfast up to dinner) but still there is a need to meet up on weekends. It happened when one of the colleague’s wife is away or that particular colleague wants to have guys night out. Some other reasons would be, Aunt is staying alone, and he has to accompany her. So, you see, going out with him was a mental burden.

It’s just like having an affair with your married lover. He has to make sure the one at home is well. And he will sneak out to have fun with you when everything’s fine. Funny, this feeling is yet so familiar.

When we were on the verge of breaking up, he made drastic decision. To find his way back to Sg. This I do not agree. Why come out of your comfort zone just because of someone, someone maybe not really worth your love? If she loves you, THAT MUCH, she would have accepted whatever decision you make, whatever you do. Does it matter where you are?

Anyway, he has rejected the new employer’s offer, though he signed the letter. He was made to pay half a month salary as penalty for breaching contract. This is not the first time he breached contract. I am quite sure, if we are still together, he would have resigned and work in Sg, so much so that he can be with me when I need him.

Well, wish the best for him, as the reason to leave the current company is no longer valid. Used to complain that there was no career path for him, the MD actually created a path, promoted him, and offered him a better pay package. What else can he ask for, when in actual fact, he didn’t really want to leave the company in the first place. There is nothing wrong to choose to stay in a comfort zone.

Heard from HIM, that the company may be setting up a plant in China. It is yet another opportunity for B and HIM. I am glad we are apart now, at least whatever decision he made/make/going to make will not affect anything. I wish for his happiness.

In actual fact, I have never really shared sorrows with B. I blamed him for being indecisive, not protective. I did not feel secured with him. And he was right, I only remember bad things he has done, never about good things.

Mommy says the one who do the dumping shouldn’t feel that bad. I feel extremely bad, worse when I think of the past 2 years, the happy memories we had. But keep telling myself that it’s over. New year new beginning, I have to let go of the past and be prepared for whatever it might come.

CJ says, not to close the “door” too fast. B may change to a better person. Other than that, I have to work to be a better person myself. :-)

Quoting CY, “good life starts only when you stop wanting a better one”.

Till then, perhaps it is better to work on something that will not hurt…. My career… I want to be promoted within this year. Big order, here I come. :-)

Sunday, 7th Jan’07

Auntie Serene got on my nerves again. So, I asked B to delivery my tv asap. I am not going to stay outside the room for any second longer than necessary. Let her take my rental, full stop, end of story. Each time I am opened to conversation, her bl**dy mouth will babble something that sounds like coming out from a retarded brain. And she treats you like one. :-(

Went to meet HIM at Bugis when his children were having Chinese tuition. God, it felt like an affair although it wasn’t one. The way HE had to walk behind me in public make me wonder, is this how it felt, to be a ‘mistress’. The feeling sure not so good, but why should I be bothered, it is not going to affect much anyway.

After meeting HIM, I went to shop around in OG, Bugis Village, Bugis Junction and Seiyu. Bought my first-in-life off-shoulder top and a bag for weekend use. Well, there are many things need to be bought, but I have yet to think carefully… camera, new hp, MP3/4, contact lenses (I wonder if I still can wear them) and etc…

CJ asked, saying he thought I bought a 3-in-1 hp, ya, MP3, camera and phone functions, all in one. But at point of purchase with my doc cousin in 2005, I was looking for some entertainment when I travel with MRT, under tunnel when normal radio frequency dies off.

Now, I realize, I can’t switch on my hp on the plane. Something I hate especially when I am not taking SQ to Shanghai. Five and a half hour without entertainment, other than my novel. Which is considered good, but definitely not good enough. Maybe I should get something better. :-p

It’s almost bedtime…. Just realized that the conference call and customer meeting clash tomorrow. I have to give them a call for reschedule to Tuesday instead.

I am not sure if S managed to register the Globalizing the Six Sigma Way 3-days seminar for me. It’s going to be short week in office, but long hours of work. Because I have to read my emails after the 9-5 seminar, which means, I will have to patronize Mc’D for 4 consecutive. Gosh, that’s a lot!

Till then……. Good night…

Resolutions....

Mom asked what is/are my New Year resolution/s…

Good question, I have not thought of resolutions for quite some time…

Read in Her World yesterday, there is no point penning down resolutions on paper. It’s not going to make a difference whether you pen them down or not. Important resolutions will be remembered, etched in the heart and the mind, not depending on the few scribbles on paper. You may forget about it the moment you flip the page.

So true….

When we were in school, we were made to write resolutions beginning of each year. Kinda forgotten what my resolutions were. Haha… needless to say, I am not sure if I accomplished any…

Babies? No thanks....

Visited Jenny and the 2 weeks old baby (a daughter just in case you wonder). Well, surely it was an experience, for her. Finally, I made it to meet her. Keeping my promise to her, for the FIRST time.

Met up with Wendy, Fiona (both my high schoolmates) and Grace (primary to high schoolmate) and of course, with Fiona’s hubby too. We had a meal and a coffee session at Coffee Bean to catch up with each other.

This trip/visit makes me realize quite a few things:-
1) I would really love a place called “home”, “home sweet home” :-)
2) I am not prepared for babies, or kids to be specific, because I think I am not responsible enough to bear the lifetime commitment, ie. the pregnancy, labour, growing pains, education and etc….

CJ says, everyone would want to have a complete family. Perhaps it is not time for me yet. Till then…. no thanks… :-)

Home Sweet Home...

ell, it’s home sweet home time. The third weekend as a SOLO. :-)

When you ask princess “what is countdown?”

She’ll reply, “five, four, three, two, one, blast off!”

Ask her if she wants to go Sg, she’ll say “yes, but I do not have a passport.” :-)

We went to Tesco to shop for groceries just now, a routine I do each time I come home. Bringing parents to get their necessities.

It used to be RM 100 worth of goods…. Then it became RM 100 ++ worth of goods.. then RM 200 worth of goods… and now, it became almost RM 300 worth of goods..

Not that I am complaining, but goods in M’sia is really expensive. We didn’t even fill the whole trolley with goods, and parents commented that they didn’t get the usual stuffs I used to buy. Anyway, I will be coming back again for CNY, so, perhaps we can do more shopping then.

I bet if it is in Sg, SGD 300 worth of goods can easily fill up 2 trollies, the least.

Wendy, Grace and I will be visiting Jenny tomorrow. Can’t wait to see my dearest silai, and the baby.

New Year, new beginning…. Happy New Year everyone!