Sunday, July 18, 2010

Gynae Appt - 17th Jul'10 (18wks)

Weight: 48.1 kg (Goodness.. this is the heaviest in my life, ever)
Baby’s length: 12.8cm

It’s finally the day… we have been telling baby fish to be good, to show us what it has, and doesn’t has. Which means, show us the penis if it’s a boy.. hehehe..

Just this month, there has been more verbal confirmation from the elderly that I am carrying a boy. I was prepared…

Or so I thought..

Gynae said I looked better this time, maybe coz I don’t feel that sick anymore. I couldn’t agree more. Vomiting in very rare occasion did make me feel much better.

And so gynae asked, “so, today, we should be able to see the gender…”


“What do you expect it to be…?” she asked..

“Many people say it’s a boy..!”, I replied.

“What about daddy?” she asked again.

“Daddy wants a girl..” I told her.

“Ok, let’s see if what’s the people said is right..” and we started scanning…

“It seems like what people have been saying is right after all.. look at this..”

She showed us something on the monitor…

“That’s the scrotum, and that’s the penis.. it’s so clear.. it’s a boy!”

“Oh really?” I couldn’t help being disappointed and quickly glanced at hubby who was staring at the monitor.

“Ya, it is very obvious you see…”

Hubby was stunned staring at the monitor, my heart felt so painful.

And we quickly were done with the session, gynae giving me a letter to certify that I am pregnant and fit to fly to Europe till 15th Aug.

Walking out, I asked hubby if he felt disappointed. He said “you say ler?”

And when we were waiting for nurse to call me for payment, I asked hubby which day in the 2 weeks he is free for detailed scan. He said I can choose weekdays as I’ll be there myself.

Couldn’t help hurt by his words, I couldn’t help crying there and then.

The way he stared at the baby girl in front of us and the way he smiled at her broke my heart.

Is that it? Is it the end of what hubby will do for me coz baby fish is a boy?

My tears just couldn’t stop falling….

Nurse says detailed scan will take more than half a day, and say it can’t be done on a Sat. So, we fixed it on 29th Jul, the Thurs I will be back from Europe. She also explained the package that we are going to sign in our next appointment.

Perhaps hubby was feeling bad coz I keep crying. He tried to joke and tried to make the mood lighter. But I knew deep inside he was really disappointed. And I couldn’t help feeling disappointed for failing him as well.

We then made our way to the Pigeon warehouse sale but I forgotten the address. Hubby refused to drive around the area, only to 1 side of the area to look for it. I was sure we could find it if we just drive around. Felt much more hurtful coz I knew if I am carrying a girl, hubby would have gone all out to look for it.

Reached home, I dared not speak of the warehouse sale anymore or anything related to baby fish. The more I thought of baby fish and hubby, the more I am depressed. I just couldn’t help crying.

Hubby knew I was hurt, and tried to make up for it. He said I can go shopping for Gucci or Burberry baby bag. Then I joking told him, God gave us a son to protect me when he is gone. What am I going to do when my son goes for NS?

Hubby suddenly cried. I did not know why hubby broke down. He said, when our son goes for NS, he would be 6 feet underground. Couldn’t bear the thought of parting with hubby, I broke down as well. I told hubby he must stay healthy to see our son grow up.

Our feeling was as gloomy as the weather. Friends congratulated us for the baby son. I didn’t feel the happiness, but I felt bad for baby fish in my tummy. It is so unfair.

Silently, I was glad I was going to be away for a week to Europe. Otherwise, I would not know how to face hubby the whole time.

Hubby sent me to airport and I felt so sad to leave this time.

At the boarding hall, I couldn’t help crying again. Hubby sent a sms thanking me for giving him a son and sent me kisses.

I really don’t know if hubby has already accepted baby fish. Or he is just forced to make me happier.

While for me, didn’t realize I had expectations myself, couldn’t help feeling disappointed not being able to buy pink, ribbons, beautiful stuffs and doing girlie stuffs with baby fish. And it dawned upon me, that I have never tried to prepare myself for a boy. I was deceiving myself all along.

So not to be unfair to baby fish, I promise, I’ll try to look at the bright side. And I shall start thinking of what I can do with baby boy.

Till next detailed scan… to see our boy again.

2 lil' thoughts:

babyfiona on 10:29 AM said...


hey, having a son does'nt mean its end of the shopping spree okay. I spend a lot for my boy eh! no pink, so what? there are still lots of stuff that you can buy together with him ^^. Look at the bright side, u got so many girlfriend , a husband and later on, you will have a permanent boyfriend which is belong to you forever ^^.

Bout ur husband, dont worry too much. once baby fish is out(or even before), he will change his perception. :)

there are always the second one :)

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